Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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