You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
