you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize