yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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