he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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