I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We have started to decorate penises.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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