i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
