Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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