well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think people are normalizing furries
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
