No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
