Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
