I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
