You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
