Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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