Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
