We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
