ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
