ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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