she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
