he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
