Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
