Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
