what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
