And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
