guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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