Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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