Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
