The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
