He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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