Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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