We won't sleep together?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize