do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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