Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He shit in the fireplace
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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