grandma shit on top of the toilet
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
