Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
