Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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