I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
