JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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