i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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