she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
