Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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