i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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