I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
