i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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