be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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