Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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