I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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