I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
