Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
