there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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