Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize