Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just high enough for therapy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
