There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
