i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
