I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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