I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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