I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
