sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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