Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
