He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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