life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
