Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm just crazy horny about you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
