Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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