Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
