Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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