this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dicks are not precious.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
