The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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