Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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