It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize