I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
