Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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