Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So many bounce houses so little time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
where are you?
Hypothermia
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
