I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
