im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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