Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
