she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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